Not My Friends
by Cyokie Revott
Summary: Pretending he didn't want friends was Gladion's method of protection until he realized it wasn't protecting him at all. In which Gladion discovers the wonders of having friends, a boyfriend, and at least a little mental stability. Hau is his sanctuary. Mainly focused on Hau x Gladion. Mild Selene (Moon) x Lillie in the background. Friendship ensues between Gladion and the others.
1. Disconnect

**Two years before Pokémon Sun and Moon.**

Gladion barely ever saw other children. His mother kept him locked away like a secret now, and when she _did_ introduce him to somebody, he was dangled in front of their eyes like an object, an ornament. They could tell him what a lovely boy he was as much as they wanted, but that didn't mean he had friends, freedom, or a mother who loved him. He wasn't a lovely child, after all; he could hide behind masks all his life, but what lay beneath would stay the same.

Beneath the mask, a chill had come over him, a chill so fierce he feared it had frozen his heart over. The sharp, petulant ice of hatred had become his best friend; he'd married himself to it. If he simply hated everything, if he didn't get involved or attached, it wouldn't hurt as badly, would it?

His eyes strayed to Lillie, playing with dolls. She was nine years old and still played with dolls, which Gladion thought was ridiculous but would never attack her for. Perhaps that was one of their mother's twisted ideas of how to try and preserve their beauty and purity, keeping his too-old sister from growing up.

Even if he kept himself from gaining new attachments, he would always have a part of his heart infinitely bound to Lillie, and he knew that. He wanted to protect her.

But he was twelve years old and nobody heard him any more than they heard some other twelve-year-old.

How could he possibly save her if he couldn't even save himself?

Lillie's charming little giggle of a laugh broke Gladion out of his stupor, and he glanced over at her once again, this time watching her closely. She picked up an almost criminally adorable doll with dark brown hair in pigtails, freckles, and dimples. The doll was wearing a fancy, ruffled red dress that Lillie was making it speak to another doll about the exquisiteness of.

Sometimes Lillie frightened her older brother. Every once in a while she'd sound far too much like their mother, using words like "exquisite" and "splendid" and "marvelous." She was nothing like their mother, kind and selfless to the point where it was almost absurd, but Gladion couldn't help taking extra measures to make sure she didn't change.

The young girl made a face, announcing to no one in particular that she was bored with the adorable doll and looking particularly displeased as she tossed it aside. It rattled hollowly as it hit the cold, hard ground, and Gladion shuddered.

Was that all they were to their mother?

Were they just dolls in her eyes, things to throw away when she saw fit?

Gladion remembered when they weren't. He remembered when they were loved, when they had a father and a sane, caring mother.

He remembered when he had friends.

He'd been eight years old when their father had disappeared into an Ultra Wormhole; Lillie had been only five. And he could recall the features of various children he had called "friends," but when he tried to put a picture of them together as a whole, they just twisted and contorted until they were nothing. One of them had blue eyes like crystal that were so wide looking into them felt like getting a peak into someone else's soul; another had a sweet, rose-pink blush on their cheeks at all times; yet another had hair such a dark brown it looked raven-black.

Gladion closed his eyes, knowing the images of his old friends wouldn't ever come together but hoping his memories were less obscure. He remembered outbursts of light, pretty laughter, and smiles so bright they seemed to shine with a passion greater than the sun itself. But what were they laughing at? What were they smiling at? What were their names?

And why had they disappeared from his life?

In the first three questions the blonde boy could find no answers. But in the last he could feel a pang in his heart of something like pain, but not the same pain he felt daily—it resembled longing. He recalled crying and Lillie, not really understanding what was happening, trying solemnly to wipe away his tears.

Where had they gone?

Blinking open his vivid green eyes, he let out a huff of annoyance at the lack of solutions.

Then he gritted his teeth, unable to tell if he couldn't remember…

Or if he just didn't _want_ to.

Crying never felt good, but it had been a long time since he'd cried like he did in that memory. In that memory, he felt like he was disintegrating into a puddle of sorrow and yearning. He could feel his entire face getting wet and his heart melting in a pool of acid.

But now, when Gladion cried, he barely felt anything. It was difficult to explain. Crying came from a rush of uncontrollable emotions—that he knew. His tears, though, felt…dry. His entire body felt dry and numb and like absolutely nothing. It was awful, and yet, he knew he'd done it to himself.

He felt _dead._ When he was walking around, he always felt fatigued, and the only feeling he felt now was _spite._ The spite didn't burn or give him any compassion, though, negative or positive. It was coarse and limp. Once in a while anger would awaken him from this state of not-aliveness, but it was never enough, and it never lasted.

Gladion's only friend was Lillie, but that didn't even count, did it?


	2. Sneer

_A/N: There a going to be a few short introduction chapters like this and they will probably be updated fairly fast until I get back to normal chapters. By "introduction chapters," I mean chapters that have the sole purpose of explaining where the Sun and Moon characters are now and what Gladion's relationships with them are._

* * *

 **Ten months after Pokémon Sun and Moon.**

When Gladion first met Selene, he thought she was pretentious.

She'd acted confident immediately after he'd challenged her to a Pokémon battle and had beaten him easily enough so that it ticked him off. Trying to calm himself down, he'd assured himself it must have been luck and that she couldn't have actually been that talented.

Then, of course, she went and became the first-ever Pokémon League Champion of Alola.

Gladion couldn't help being jealous of her. Ever since his mother made him feel like he was nothing, he'd wanted to prove her wrong, and he saw becoming the Pokémon League Champion as the ultimate opportunity. Despite not wanting to become the Champion themselves, he could even see that Lillie and Elio were mildly envious of the fame Selene had achieved. The only one who didn't appear to be jealous at all was Hau, but Hau was something else entirely.

Selene annoyed him, but he'd admittedly gotten close to her and her group after some time. The blonde had become even less fond of her upon finding out she was dating his sister, but if she made Lillie happy, he wasn't going to get in the way. If he couldn't be happy, Lillie, at least, should be.

They were always arguing, always fighting over something stupid that didn't even matter. Lillie would watch them, frowning, while Hau would try desperately to hold back his laughter and fail. Selene liked to mock Gladion a little too much, and he'd started wondering if she was a sadist—and hoping to God she wasn't. He wouldn't let Lillie date a sadist.

She'd insist, over and over again, that they were friends. Gladion was absolutely sure she was just saying that to get on his nerves, because he had no friends and didn't want any. Friends would just get in the way. Maybe he'd enjoyed having them for a short time when he was young, but they'd been ripped away from him, and he'd survived, hadn't he? He didn't need them. Having friends—worrying about extra people, taking care of other people's problems—would get in the way of his goals.

Selene would try and force Gladion to accept friendship into his life during the rare times she wasn't taunting him. He couldn't see why he should, much less why anyone would _want_ to be friends with him. He was antisocial and rude and cold. A lot of people thought he wasn't aware of that, but he damn sure was. He knew he was an absolute pain to be around and wanted it to stay that way. Having idiots try to weave their way into his life was ruining it.

His current mission, however, involved gaining complete control over Selene's relationship with Lillie. Though certainly others would claim it to be overprotective, Gladion found it necessary to assure his little sister's complete and definite safety. He would _not_ let anybody else hurt Lillie—not after their mother. He wouldn't take any chances. He wouldn't trust anyone with her.

Gladion also knew that, unfortunately, Selene was very much onto him, and that she wasn't taking him seriously at all.

Just like always.


	3. Inadequate

_A/N: I realize these introduction chapters are awful compared to the first chapter, but that's because they're really insignificant and literally serve no purpose other than, well, an introduction. Don't worry. I'll get back to the quality of the first chapter soon! I apologize if I'm severely boring you with the introduction chapters. There's only this one and one more, I promise!_

* * *

When Gladion first met Elio, he thought he was lame.

Elio was a Pokémon Trainer just like his twin sister, but no matter how infuriating she was, Selene still had about a hundred times more determination and ambition than he did. It was almost like he trained Pokémon because he had nothing else to do. He wasn't a _bad_ Trainer, but he wasn't an exceptionally good one either. He lacked the vigor a Trainer ought to have to take them to the top, and Gladion was even more unimpressed when Elio revealed he had no desire to get to the top at all.

Selene's brother had eventually defeated the Island Challenge like her, but Elio didn't go any further after that. He explained that he'd continue to be a Pokémon Trainer but that he wasn't seeking any sort of title or fame, despite admitting to being slightly aggravated by all the attention Selene was getting. Gladion thought he must have been kidding and told him that basically meant he'd gone on an entire journey for nothing. Elio had simply shrugged in return.

The only reason Gladion got along with Elio better than his twin was because, unlike Selene, he kept his mouth shut—sort of. Elio wasn't _quiet,_ but he talked slightly less than the average person, and he didn't keep talking forever like a motor. At least the kid understood what good some silence could do once in a while. Plus, Elio didn't keep forcing _friendship_ on him all the time, and he didn't continue denying it when Gladion hissed that they weren't friends.

Okay, he rolled his eyes. But that was still better than fighting him about it!

Gladion honestly believed the boy was wasting his perfectly good talent for battling. He hated people who wasted their talents, mostly because he found it stupid they weren't taking the chance to be the best they could be. He'd told this to Elio; he wasn't the type to hold things back because of manners. Elio didn't seem to care and brushed him off each and every time.

He was never really sure if Elio liked him, either. He was pretty sure Selene did and that her constant teasing was her way of trying to get closer to him, which he couldn't decide was a good thing or not. But Elio didn't think much of him, or at least that was the way it looked.

Gladion decided it didn't matter. After all, he didn't want friends.


	4. Euphoria

_A/N: Okay! So this is the last introduction chapter. Hopefully, after this, you won't be bored to death. However, I want to warn you guys that I'm still sort of figuring out the plot of this fic. I have an idea of the main point, but I need to plan a bit more. Enjoy!_

* * *

Besides Selene, Elio, and, of course, his sister Lillie, there was one more person.

When Gladion first met Hau, he thought he was stupid.

The boy was so giddy and free that he immediately registered as either insane or dumb in the blonde's mind, and Gladion couldn't understand how a human being could be that happy. He knew there were plenty of people in the world happier than him, but Hau was so gleeful all the time it didn't even make sense. Did he not have worries? If he did, he was able to handle them about a million times better than Gladion.

Out of the group, Hau was probably Gladion's least favorite person. He liked him even less than Selene.

It wasn't surprising, really. The two were practically exact opposites. Hau seemed to like him quite a lot, which annoyed Gladion since he didn't return the feeling and didn't understand why a person would _like_ him, but he figured something must have been messed up in Hau's brain or whatever and that Hau liked everybody regardless.

He'd also strongly disliked Hau's connection to his sister. Even though he knew there was no chance of Lillie breaking up with Selene, he'd suspected for a long time at the beginning that Hau had a crush on Lillie, and he had no idea if that crush remained. He heard from Selene that Hau had started crying when Lillie deported to Kanto, which was extremely unusual for the boy and made Gladion even more suspicious.

Of course, it could just have been that Lillie was one of Hau's best friends and that he would only get to see her one week every month thereafter. But Gladion chose to think otherwise, for the sake of being cautious.

Apparently, Hau had confessed to Lillie over the Xtransceiver around a month after she left. Lillie had revealed her relationship with Selene to him then and to the entire group a day or two later. Hau had acted more subdued than usual for a week and had obviously been heartbroken. Gladion, being who he was, yelled at him for being so weak.

More than anyone else, Hau was persistent with getting Gladion to admit to being his friend—which, of course, the older boy never would, because they weren't friends. It had become evident to Gladion shortly after they first met that Hau wasn't stupid, just obnoxious and probably naïve. But that didn't change how incredibly, ludicrously exasperating he was.

Gladion wished Lillie didn't like Hau so much, because then he could probably hurt him without getting scolded.


	5. Confliction

_A/N: And we're back to regular chapters! Thank God, right?_

* * *

Among the most prominent of the reasons Gladion despised Hau was that he had the potential to really, really like him.

It wasn't that Gladion was a jerk or didn't realize that friends benefitted other people. Besides thinking they'd get in the way of his personal goals, he also happened to have a fear of being abandoned again. The only friends he'd ever had disappeared from his life, and he couldn't remember the entire scenario, but he remembered _just enough_ so that he could feel the pain of it and know he never wanted to feel that way again.

If he gained friends at this age and they left him, it would probably hurt even more.

What if he got attached to someone who started treating him like Lusamine did?

What then?

Would he be able to escape, or would he ultimately get trapped in the same cycle all over again?

Gladion didn't know, and he definitely didn't want to find out. He wanted answers, but he was also scared sick of them.

What was it about Hau?

Hau was, in the first place, an attractive person. Not physically (Gladion assumed; he spent most of his time hating the kid and trying to keep it that way rather than looking at him), but with his permanent smile that seemed to shine as bright as the sun itself and his jumpy nature…

No. Gladion was usually driven away from people like that.

No, he knew what it was.

He'd grown up in an environment where it wasn't okay to feel things except for, perhaps, _satisfaction_ —because God knew he wasn't going to feel happiness in that place. If he was upset or displeased, he was punished. That was how it worked. It didn't matter if Lusamine was the one at fault, which she almost always was. It didn't matter if he cut himself and cried and screamed, just to try and make her _notice._

No matter what he did, it was never enough.

It didn't matter what he did to make his sorry excuse for a mother happy, or the toll it would take on him. It didn't _matter._ Nothing mattered.

To Lusamine, it was never enough.

Gladion didn't know if Hau was just pretending—he probably was—but he was the opposite of Lusamine. If Gladion was feeling something, even if he was feeling it a little too strongly and feared he would lose control, Hau would encourage him to talk about what was going on and assure him that what he was feeling was _fine._ When the blonde was feeling bad, the green-haired boy would comfort him, not slap him across the face or scream at him or throw him against the wall like Lusamine had.

But Lusamine had acted kind and loving towards the people who didn't really know her. She had a mask going, just like both Gladion and his sister had when living with her. People thought she was the most caring, elegant woman they'd ever met, and they couldn't have been farther from the truth.

Even when Lillie was working hard to heal Lusamine, Gladion couldn't truly forgive her for what she'd done, and he thought it was another miracle that Lillie _could._

Actually, he didn't know if his little sister actually forgave their mother or if she was simply overcoming her feelings because Lusamine was, in fact, _their mother._

Gladion knew he could never forget what Lusamine had done, and he could never overcome it to go and take care of it. He allowed Lillie to talk to him or send pictures and messages to him to show their mother's progress, but she would never be able to coax him into seeing her again.

Early on, they'd made the development that Nihilego hadn't "possessed" their mother, and that it just released neurotoxins into her brain that reduced her inhibitions. And that wiped away any ounce of potential for forgiveness that Gladion had left in him.

Maybe Lusamine would have been able to control her animalistic urges had it not been for the neurotoxins, but what kind of person, what kind of _mother,_ had those urges in the first place?

This was another thing Gladion didn't want to know the answer to.

He had to spite Hau, because what if Hau was another Lusamine? What if Hau had another side that he and Lillie didn't know about, and that Selene and Elio were hiding from them? He'd brought this up to Lillie and, laughing childishly, she'd assured him they'd be able to tell if somebody like Lusamine ever tried to get close to them again. Which he hoped was true, but he could never be sure.

What if Hau was fooling him just like his mother had fooled all those other people?

He couldn't risk it. He didn't have to absolutely _hate_ Selene and Elio, because he understood them for the most part, and he could keep a steady distance from them.

Hau was something else. Hau made him want to be _closer,_ and that couldn't be good. He was scary because he was too simple, and Gladion feared if he wasn't.

Gladion didn't need somebody who scared him to death in his life.

He didn't need another Lusamine.

And so, he didn't need Hau.


	6. Introvert

"Gladion, can I talk to you about something?"

That was how it started.

Gladion had stiffened, immediately groaning and saying, "Not if it's about Selene. I can't talk about that little brat right now; talking about her stresses me out almost as much as being around her."

Lillie rolled her eyes mildly. "It's not about Selene. It's just…well, it's a question. It's a sort of a general question. Just…don't get mad, okay? I want you to answer truthfully, because this is for your own good."

The older sibling narrowed his eyes at his sister—or rather, at the small screen of his Xtransceiver. Lillie's next visit was scheduled for the following week, and he planned to make the most of it. He never wasted that one week each month when she visited because, although he would never say it in front of anyone but Lillie herself, he missed her.

"Come on, Gladion, don't look like that," Lillie said, letting out a small sigh. "But I've seen how the others act around you. They want to get closer to you, and I think you should accept the offer. They've been making that offer this entire time, you know."

Gladion groaned again. "I know. God, I know. They've been shoving it in my face practically since they met me. But I don't have to be their friend. What good would it do? I'll probably just end up distracted at best or completely used at worst, like I was with our mother."

Lillie tensed, and he immediately regretted his words. He knew they were both still sensitive to the horrible episodes they'd gone through due to Lusamine, and Lillie hated it when he compared modern situations to their old one. She considered their lives to be going quite well and constantly called Gladion out on never appreciating it.

Gladion figured she was right. He was cynical. He knew that.

"Are you seriously comparing Selene, Elio and Hau— _Hau_ —to our mother?" Lillie asked quietly, clearly disappointed in her brother.

Gladion bit his lip. "Sorry. I didn't—I didn't mean to do that."

"Yes, you did. You mean everything you do." Gladion winced at the notion while Lillie frowned. "But that's all right. I know how much Lusamine hurt you, because she hurt me, too."

"Then you should understand why I am _not_ going to be anybody's friend," Gladion said in a bitter hiss. "Trusting people is dangerous. There are bad people out there, Lillie."

"I _know,_ Gladion. I'm not a little kid anymore." Lillie pouted, warning Gladion not to oppose that statement while knowing from his face that he wanted to. "But you can't let our mother drive you away from people for the rest of your life. That's submitting to her, you know."

"I don't submit to _anyone_ ," Gladion shot back sharply, his voice deepening to a growl. "And I especially don't submit to _her._ "

"You already are," Lillie whispered. The look in her eyes was so pitiful, and Gladion absolutely hated it. "You've given up on everyone just because of what she did to us." She paused, considering whether or not to say what she wanted to. "Do you love our mother?"

Her words were careful, like she was speaking to a wild animal that could attack and maul her at any second. And she might as well have; Gladion could be ferocious.

But she should know that he was never ferocious with her, never entirely.

"Of course I love Lusamine! But not for any reason besides the fact that she gave birth to us. She doesn't deserve to be our mother." Gladion looked down. "What she did was unforgivable, Lillie…I still don't know how you're taking care of her in Kanto."

"I don't _like_ her, Gladion, but I love her, and that's enough for me."

"It's not enough. It's not enough for me."

Gladion wasn't going to lie to his younger sister. He was telling the truth.

And Lillie smiled sadly, knowing this. "I know it isn't enough for you, and that's okay. But this isn't even the point. How did this turn into a conversation about our mother?"

Shrugging petulantly, Gladion narrowed his eyes. "Why did this even come up in the first place? Did you just suddenly get hit by the idea that I need friends?"

"Well…no. Actually, it's because of Hau." Lillie's expression turned accusing as she watched her brother roll his eyes. "Come on. Hau's a great friend. With the way you behave, it's a miracle he's still sticking around."

"Just…be quiet. I don't need to hear it right now," Gladion said tartly. "I don't care what Hau thinks, and you shouldn't either. If you didn't think I needed friends in the first place, you shouldn't change his mind at his word. Do you like him or something?"

"No! Do you always have to go and offend someone else when you feel offended yourself?" Lillie snapped defensively. "I'm with Selene. I know you don't like it, but I love her, and I don't know what your problem is with Hau, but listen to me. Please."

Lillie's eyes were pleading though her voice remained reasonably strong. Sighing and wishing he had the will to rebel against his sister, Gladion nodded. He wanted to say something cutting back to her, but she wasn't some random idiot like he wished she was at that moment.

"Hau called me on the Xtransceiver and he said he wanted to talk about you." Lillie pursed her lips. "He was really upset, Gladion."

Gladion snorted indignantly. "That kid barely ever stops smiling. He wouldn't get upset over me."

"Stop kidding around. You're right; Hau doesn't get upset often, which is another reason why you should be taking this seriously. He wants to be your friend, and he doesn't understand why you're always pushing him away." Lillie crossed her arms. "He said he's tried everything he can to get closer to you because he thinks you need someone. He just wants you to be _happy,_ Gladion. And you made him cry because, apparently, you don't want to be happy."

"I _want_ to be happy, Lillie! Who the hell wants to be sad all the time? That's not what I'm doing!" Gladion said, his voice rising drastically in volume. But he still wasn't yelling. He didn't yell at Lillie, not ever.

"If you really wanted to be happy, you'd accept the friendship Selene, Elio and Hau are trying to give you! Can't you appreciate anything?" Lillie's voice had gotten louder as well, but it sounded much more choked up than angered. If Gladion's voice burned with all the intensity of a fire, Lillie's voice was washed out and soaked through.

"Yes! And I appreciate security!" Gladion snarled. "Becoming friends with those morons would be like throwing all that down the drain, do you know that? I've worked hard to establish this sense of security for myself. I've gone through so much to assure that nobody will ever use me or hurt me ever again. And you're suggesting I throw it all away?"

"You haven't established _security_ for yourself. You've isolated yourself from other people and refused to understand what good being a social person can do for you," Lillie murmured, her bright green eyes locked at Gladion's. "I'm not going to argue with you about this. But I want you to know that Hau is just trying to help you, and so am I. Do you know what making friends can do?"

Gladion opened his mouth to say something, but Lillie cut him off before he could.

"Making friends can help you with…well, everything. I was nervous about making friends too when I first left Aether Paradise. But then I met everyone and realized I shouldn't have been nervous at all. You know why? Because making friends was the best decision I ever made. I was so insecure, but they helped me get through it. They encouraged me when things got tough. They were always there for me when I needed them. They helped me overcome fears and become the person I always wanted to be."

She paused, inhaling deeply.

"I'm not going to force you to do this, Gladion. It's your life, and you make your own choices. I just hope you understand what you're losing by throwing friendship away."

Gladion stared in shock as Lillie left the room, the door slamming before she hung up. They never fought like that. He didn't like it when she opposed him like that, because it made him feel like he had to try making friends for her, and he wasn't going to do that. Even if he didn't want to disappoint her, even if she'd _almost_ convinced him it was a good idea…

It wasn't going to happen.

Privately, Gladion wondered if Selene and Elio were as bothered by his indifference to their attempts at becoming his friend. He tried not to care, but unfortunately, he wasn't heartless.

And besides that, if Hau could hide it entirely when he was distressed, how much more was he hiding?

Gladion would not get close to that boy. He was dangerous just by how tame he was.


	7. Melt

Gladion watched silently as Selene, Elio and Hau ate their malasadas. They'd decided to go and hang out at the Malasada Shop for a while—courtesy of the green-haired boy himself, of course. Thoroughly displeased with this and refusing to eat, Gladion hadn't had any say in the arrangements, and he'd simply been dragged along.

He couldn't be any less interested in what they were talking about, and it had gotten to the point where he'd spaced out just so that he couldn't _hear_ what they were talking about. Selene was laughing and poking Elio's arm, while Elio himself had an amused smirk on his face. Hau was barely paying attention, practically inhaling his malasada and getting the creams from the inside all over his fingers and the corners of his mouth.

"Gladion, what's wrong?"

Gladion was suddenly whipped back into reality through hearing his name. Hau was gazing at him intently, his dark eyes appearing so gigantic at the moment that he felt they would swallow him up.

"Nothing's wrong. Leave me alone," Gladion grumbled. "Can't you see I'm trying _not_ to get involved in this conversation?"

Selene swallowed a bite of her malasada before saying dismissively, "He doesn't even know what we're talking about. Don't bother with him."

"Well, why don't _you_ start a conversation?" Hau asked, not seeming to understand how awful that idea was both to Gladion and the twins, even after Selene let out a scrupulously irritated groan.

They all stared at the black-clad teenager, waiting.

Gladion curled his upper lip in distaste. "I'm an incredibly uninteresting person. Move on."

"That's not true," Hau pointed out, his pout almost painfully childish. "You're a very interesting person, particularly because nobody understands you."

"Lillie understands me, you twit," Gladion retorted. He felt himself getting red and resented himself for it. "No matter if you find me interesting or not, you can't deny that I'm unsociable, so just let me sit here in peace."

Elio grumbled in agreement. Selene snickered.

Hau loudly spoke over everyone in a cheerful chirp. "That's exactly why I'm trying to _make_ you sociable, Gladion! Don't you get it? I can help!"

"Sure you can." Gladion scowled. He needed a way to turn this around—quickly.

"Are you still going through crippling heartbreak because my sister rejected you?"

Hau's smile vanished and Elio's eyes widened in shock.

"What the hell, Gladion?" Selene hissed under her breath. She sounded disgusted.

The smile almost instantly returned to Hau's face, but it was obviously significantly less genuine than before.

"What was that for?" Hau asked, his voice faltering.

"It's just a question. Can't you handle that?" Gladion said pointedly. He wasn't thinking at this point. He hardly cared what came out of his mouth as long as it put Hau on the defensive instead of him.

This was how things went quite frequently. If he was put on the defensive, he'd try to turn things around as soon as possible. He didn't care if it offended the opposition. As long as he wasn't the victim, he was fine.

"Hey!" Selene stood up violently, Elio flinching in the seat next to hers. "What's your problem? I don't know if you're so stupid you sincerely don't understand this, but we've been trying all this time to be friends you can rely on. And what do you do? You step all over us. Well, you know what? We're not doormats. We're not pushovers. Come on, guys!"

His mouth plastered into a tight frown, Elio stood up to follow his sister and she stormed out of the restaurant. Hau hadn't moved and remained where he was, never looking away from Gladion even when Selene yelled, "Hau, we're leaving!" from the doorway.

"Why are you still here?" Gladion mumbled, watching as Selene gave up with an emphatic growl and slammed the door to the Malasada Shop.

"Lillie told you about what happened, didn't she? She wasn't supposed to. I told her not to. I thought it would just worry you…"

Gladion didn't have to ask what the other boy was talking about, and he scoffed.

"Why would I worry about you?" he demanded nonchalantly. "Yeah, Lillie told me you got all crybaby-esque on the Xtransceiver because I don't want to be friends with you. Grow up. Life is going to throw worse things at you."

Hau's smile collapsed again, this time into a slight glare.

"You're not a bad person, Gladion. I know that. Selene and Elio know that. Lillie _definitely_ knows that." Hau blinked. "So why are you always pretending to be? Is it for your image? I don't see how acting like a bad person helps your image."

Gladion sighed loudly, trying not to let the younger Trainer's words get to him. "I'm _not_ a bad person, but I certainly don't like you. And I'm not your friend. I'm not Selene or Elio's friend, either."

"You know how hard we're trying, right? It's not that hard for me since I like being nice to people and seeing how they can change, but it's not easy for Selene and Elio. Especially Selene, because she knows you don't like her, and she doesn't like you much more."

"Maybe you should follow in her footsteps," Gladion suggested sarcastically. "Liking people who don't like you back, that's always a stupid idea. Even if it wasn't in the same context, having a little-kid crush on my sister must have taught you that."

Hau cringed. "Gladion, do you think maybe you could stop bringing that up? I'm not trying to talk about that right now. I just want to know why you won't be my friend."

"You're still not over her?" Gladion went on, ignoring the eleven-year-old sitting across from him. Hau only had a little bit of his malasada left, and since the conversation started, he'd been taking incredibly slow and distracted bites. "That's pathetic. It's been a long time since Lillie threw you away for Selene, and you're _still_ thinking about it?"

Remorse curdled in the green-eyed boy's stomach when he saw Hau was close to crying. His eyes were glimmering with unreleased tears, and his lip was quivering. Even if he wanted to, Gladion couldn't take pleasure in the sight, because, as mentioned before, he wasn't a bad person.

"Lillie didn't throw me away. She's still one of my best friends. And I'm not going to be angry at her if she likes Selene that way and not me." Hau's voice was weak and sad, though Gladion noticed it was also distant. "I've accepted it by now that she doesn't like me the same way I liked her…"

"Liked?"

"Yeah…I'm kind of over it now. It's not a big deal." Hau tried to grin and just barely managed. "As long as I can still hang with her without it being awkward, it doesn't matter!"

"If it didn't matter," Gladion said tartly, "you wouldn't almost be crying."

"I'm not almost crying about Lillie," Hau replied calmly, sounding much more stable now for some reason. Gladion had to wonder if he really _was_ feeling better after so little time—or if he was pretending.

Lately, he'd wondered just how good this child was at pretending.

"It's that no matter what I do, you still don't want to be my friend."

"I don't like you," Gladion shot back, mustering up the coldest tone he could. "Even if you try, you can't fix somebody not liking you."

"Sure you can! And you _do_ like me, you just don't want to." Hau looked at him boldly, triumph evident in his expression. "Why wouldn't you want to?"

Gladion twitched, looking away. Yes, he liked Hau. He liked Hau more than he wanted to.

But no, he didn't like Hau.

He wouldn't let himself like him.

He wouldn't let himself be used ever again.

"I don't know anything about you. You're always so happy, but there has to be a part of you that we don't see! Nobody is that simple!"

Gladion's hand flew over his mouth. He hadn't planned to say that out loud.

However, Hau just laughed, utterly unfazed. "Wow. I don't know whether that's a compliment or an insult."

"It wasn't either one!"

Hau smiled. "Well, there's a side to everyone we don't see, right?"

"Do you want to know why I won't be your friend? I don't trust you," Gladion said grimly. By now he was getting aggravated and infuriated without even being provoked. "What _are_ you? What are you trying to hide behind… _that?_ " With a flourish, he motioned to Hau's face, of which was smiling even bigger now. "Are you trying to use me for something?"

"No! What would I use you for?" The younger boy almost sounded amused now, and it annoyed Gladion to no end. "Yeah, I'm hiding things, but you shouldn't have to worry about them. They have nothing to do with you, after all."

So he _was_ hiding something?

"Tell me what it is," Gladion commanded. "I'm not going to be used again!"

"It's nothing. It's just my own problems. I'll figure them out. You shouldn't worry about me." Hau got up to leave and walked away for a few steps before looking over his shoulder and saying, "I'm trying to help you with your own problems, too. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that keeping your problems to yourself is a really bad idea."

A low growl rumbled in Gladion's throat as he watched Hau leave the Malasada Shop without him. He didn't want to trust Hau, and he didn't want to like him.

But unfortunately, it seemed that he did.

Maybe having a friend—especially if it was Hau—wouldn't be so horrible…


	8. Risk

Selene's glare was burning through him like fire.

"If you keep acting like this, you're going to lose all of us. Hau will be harder to convince, but he'll leave once he sees reason."

Gladion had his mouth glued shut, doing his best to keep as silent as humanly possible. He knew eventually he'd talk, but for now he'd just listen. He'd probably just make things worse by talking.

He hated that Selene was threatening him, but he knew he wasn't a pleasant person to be around. (God knew it had been pointed out to him enough times.) They were all in Selene's house now except for, obviously, Lillie. Her mother had decided to go out for the day and take a rest.

"Look. I know you're not a bad guy on the inside, Gladion. But that doesn't excuse everything you do!" Selene both looked and sounded incredibly frustrated, and the boy instantly knew she'd been holding this back for a long time. "You can't just keep insulting us and telling us we don't matter to you, and then expect us to stick around! Are you insane?"

It seemed his silence was destined to end already.

"I know I'm an unlikable person! I made it that way on purpose, you know. When I say you don't matter to me, you _don't._ The only reason I'm expecting all of you guys to stick around is because you're all stupid enough to _keep_ sticking around! You still haven't left, and I can't figure out why for the life of me!" Gladion spat. "I don't need any of you, so if you leave, I'll be fine. I lived without anyone for two years, and when you met me, I was surviving, wasn't I?"

"You weren't happy," Elio argued in a hushed voice. "You weren't really _living._ "

"Well, you haven't made me any happier," Gladion said darkly. "You haven't helped at all."

"Yes, we have." Hau gently put a hand on Gladion's shoulder; the blonde flinched away.

"No, you haven't. And don't touch me. I hate being touched."

Refusing to take his hand away, Hau answered, "We've helped. You _smiled_ after a while of hanging out with us, and later, after we found out everything, you said you'd barely ever smiled in the two years after running away from Lusamine."

"I barely ever smile _now!_ " Gladion protested.

"All right, Gladion, I've realized I can't say this any other way." Selene put her hands on her hips, narrowing her eyes accusingly. "We want to be your friends because we think you're actually a really good person. That's all. But if you don't want to appreciate that, you might as well go to hell, because nobody else is ever going to make this offer to you. To others, your personality is crap. This is your one chance. Don't blow it."

Elio nodded, closing his eyes briefly. Hau gulped, anticipating Gladion's answer and presumably expecting the worst.

Gladion had frozen, anger blazing in his eyes. But he let himself open up—because maybe she was right. Maybe his greatest flaw was his fear of other people, his fear of being used.

Was his greatest flaw his fear of making friends?

He'd told himself for years that his fear was reasonable and it made perfect sense, that it would ultimately be the one thing that could protect him from being hurt again, but…

What if it wasn't?

And without thinking, Gladion said the one thing nobody would ever have expected him to say.

"I'm scared."

" _What?_ "

Elio's outburst was so funny that Gladion actually had to fight not to smirk, and Hau had let out a gasp so dramatically loud he ended up coughing afterwards.

Selene bit her lip. "What…what are you scared of? You can tell us. We're…your friends." Her expression sharpened. "Unless, of course, you keep being a moron, in which case—"

"I'm scared because I've never been close to people before, and the few times I have I ended up either losing them or getting used by them," Gladion interrupted. "And I don't want that to happen again, ever."

Selene sighed, seeming to become more sympathetic. "We care about you, no matter how much of an idiot you are. And we don't want that to happen to you again, either. That's why we're trying to be your friends in the first place. Friends can protect you and support you. I'm sure Lillie has told you that."

"She has." Suddenly, Gladion locked up again. "I…don't really want to talk about this anymore."

Selene and Elio exchanged an unsatisfied grimace while Hau simply put an arm around Gladion's shoulders.

"How many times do I have to tell you not to touch me?"

"As many as you want, because I'm not going to stop!" Hau laughed. "We're not going to force you to talk about anything, but I think you should. You know, people who keep things inside for too long end up, like, exploding—mentally, of course. Sharing painful experiences with people you trust can be a good sort of therapy!"

"It can, but it probably won't be," Gladion grumbled. "And besides, you wouldn't understand. I mean, you're not even human. You're not scared of anything; you're too happy."

Hau grinned. "Well, maybe you're right. Maybe I wouldn't get it. I didn't go through what you went through, and I should probably be glad about that. But I'm scared of things. Everyone is scared of something."

"Here's what we're going to do."

Everyone jolted before turning to face Elio, the source of the voice, in surprise.

"We are going to exchange some of our greatest fears, and you can't opt out of it. Believe me, once we all start doing it, it'll feel less weird."

"Fine," Selene said mirthlessly, seeming to have no particular opinion about her brother's statement but deciding it would be for the best. Hau nodded, smiling.

"I'll go first, I guess, since I had the idea," Elio said, frowning. "I'm not afraid of much—"

"That's because you're stupid," Selene chimed in.

"No. I'm not afraid of much, but one of the major fears I _do_ have is kind of stupid, and you're going to all promise not to laugh." Elio was dead serious.

"No promises!" Selene jeered. Gladion rolled his eyes but ended up nodding. Hau did the same, but without rolling his eyes.

"I'm afraid I'm never going to get a girlfriend."

Hau practically choked himself trying not to laugh. Selene didn't bother with any such attempts and let her laughter come out of her mouth in a loud, taunting bark.

"That isn't funny. It's just the way you worded it that's dumb," Gladion pointed out halfheartedly. "You're afraid of loneliness is what you meant to say, and that isn't funny at all, because I know what that feels like."

"Thank you!" Elio said emphatically while glowering at Hau and Selene, who both wore matching I-just-laughed-so-hard-and-think-I-might-start-again grins.

"Well, to hell with that. Let's focus on some _real_ fears here," Selene said with a smirk.

"Loneliness is a real—"

"Shut up, Gladion. Okay, so my greatest fear is pretty much that something bad will happen to Lillie." Selene folded her arms across her chest. "I don't want anything bad to happen to Lillie ever again. I mean, I know things are bound to come in her way, but I'm going to protect her as best I can."

"As much as I hate the fact that you and my sister are a thing," Gladion said slowly, "I do like that you always vow to protect her. So keep doing that, Selene, because if you let _anything_ bad happen to Lillie, I will literally rip your throat out."

Elio rolled his eyes and sighed, clearly displeased with the way his game was going, though Selene only let out a spurt of laughter.

"Did you just _compliment_ me?" Selene took on a mockingly shocked expression. "Well isn't _that_ the sweetest thing I've ever heard! I _wish_ you would compliment me more often. Hearing such _uniquely-formed_ compliments makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside."

Gladion slapped her in the arm. Selene slapped back. For several minutes Elio's game turned into an all-out two-person contest of slap exchanges until Hau interrupted, laughing lightheartedly.

"All right, all right, we get it! You two are best friends forever! I guess it's my turn, huh?"

Gladion hit the girl one more time before turning his attention to Hau. He didn't let his scowl escape his face, anyhow.

"Besides losing any of you guys, I guess I'm scared I'll never be enough for my grandpa." Hau smiled sadly. "I've been trying to become the best Trainer I can, and I'm never going to give up. Grandpa says I'm enough, but I don't know whether to believe him or not. No matter what, I don't think I'll ever be as amazing a Pokémon Trainer as any of you."

Everyone was silent for a moment before Elio said, "You're a great Trainer, Hau. We didn't know you were afraid of that."

"Yeah, I try not to let it show too much. But hey, you're my best friends, right? Might as well let you know what's going on inside my head. Nobody really knows, not even me." Hau turned his head so that he was looking directly at Gladion. "See? It doesn't matter who you are. Everybody's afraid of something. Will you try being friends with us now?"

Selene snorted. "Hau, you're never going to get him to be friends with us by just—"

Gladion cut her off promptly, staring back at Hau with an even, confident gaze.

How did he let it get to this?

This was probably a mistake…However.

"Sure."


	9. Daze

"I don't know if you can see this or not, Hau, but this is awkward as hell."

Gladion found himself at the Malasada Shop— _again._ This time he was only with Hau, who insisted he had to come with him as part of their "bonding" or some nonsense like that. He felt out of place and almost bolted before looking at Hau's face and deciding he couldn't afford to disappoint him.

Lillie was going to be visiting the next day, and Gladion had practically _begged_ Hau to move their rendezvous to then since it would be less strange-feeling with his sister there. Hau had refused, replying sternly that the whole point was for him and Gladion to warm up to each other and that having another person there would ruin the vibe.

Gladion hadn't eaten his malasada at all. He ate, of course, but he wasn't really a fan of food, and he certainly didn't love food like Hau did.

On the other hand, Hau was almost done with his malasada, and he took such big bites of his malasadas sometimes that Gladion didn't doubt he'd finish it off in just one.

"Is it? I don't feel awkward at all." Hau beamed. "I really appreciate you doing this, Gladion. I mean, I want to be friends with you."

Gladion scoffed. "Yes, I picked that up."

"Aren't you excited to see Lillie? I miss her so much. I used to see her every day, you know? But now it's only for one week every month. It just…it sucks." Hau switched the subject for no particular reason. He was so jittery that his mind often wandered off into random places at unpredictable times, which didn't go unnoticed by Gladion. "Are you bothered by the fact that I used to, well, sort of have a thing for her?"

The fourteen-year-old narrowed his eyes dangerously. "What do _you_ think? Anybody having a, as you say, _thing_ for my sister bothers me. It's gross and weird, and if she actually does end up with them I'm going to have to watch over their every move to make sure she doesn't get hurt again."

Hau giggled. "You're making me happy that it's _Selene_ that Lillie ended up with instead of me."

Gladion frowned. "What made you like her anyway?"

"Are you kidding? Lillie's an amazing girl!" Realizing he sounded just a _tiny_ bit too enthusiastic from Gladion's glare, Hau smiled and lowered the volume of his voice. "She's one of my closest friends, and I was close to her even before I became close to Selene and Elio, much less you. She's just…something else. She's kind and brave and…well, beautiful, I guess."

"You can stop now," Gladion mumbled. "Are you really over her? You still sound like you're in love with her."

"No, I'm over her. You don't have to worry about me. You can just focus on bringing down Selene now." Hau took a gigantic bite of his malasada, finishing it off in one bite like Gladion had predicted. "It wasn't love in the first place, though. It was a crush. I thought I was in love, though, and I used to have daydreams about Lillie and I getting married, which is…really embarrassing to say."

"You seriously used to have daydreams of getting married to my sister?" Gladion winced. "That thought is _not_ welcome in my head. God, you could've kept it to yourself."

Hau wiped his mouth roughly with a napkin, although he wasn't even close to getting all the crumbs and cream off. "Maybe, but that wouldn't be any fun! And anyway, Gladion, you can't pretend _you_ never had a crush on someone."

Gladion felt his face get red, and he could feel some sort of humiliation burn through him like acid.

But as quickly as the feeling came, he realized he had no reason to feel that way.

He'd never had a crush on anyone in his entire life.

"I don't have to _pretend_ ," Gladion said tartly. "I've never had a crush on anybody."

"Oh please!" Hau laughed. "You don't have to be shy with me! You know I had a huge crush on your little sister. And as guys, we're supposed to talk about this stuff, right?"

"Do you have any idea how stupid you sound right now?" Gladion asked sharply. "And anyway, I'm not lying. I never had time for that kind of thing. I spent almost my whole life in Aether Paradise confined and abused by my mother, and the two years after I ran away were spent trying to survive without getting hurt."

Hau's smile dropped away, and suddenly the boy looked thoughtful. "Yeah…yeah, that makes sense." Then he paused, as if deciding what to say next, and his trademark smile returned. "But you have time now, don't you?"

Gladion glowered at the Trainer sitting across from him. "I suppose, but it doesn't make a difference, because nothing has changed. I've still never had a crush on anyone, and I don't plan to. If I can't protect Lillie or Selene from falling in love, I can at least protect myself."

"Oh, Gladion, you should know better than to say that!" Hau said in a jokingly chastising tone. "You know what's going to happen next, don't you? Just because you said you won't let yourself fall in love, you're going to fall in love with someone!"

"Superstitions, excuses to embarrass me," Gladion answered dismissively. "When will you stop? And also, I'm not going to eat this." He nodded curtly down at his untouched malasada.

Hau looked up at him with big, soupy puppy eyes. "Can I have it?"

Gladion smirked. "Why would I say that if I didn't want you to take it?"

"To torture me," Hau replied, like it was obvious. With that, he instantly took his friend's malasada, taking a humongous bite out of it.

There was an awkward silence for a few minutes, Gladion watching warily as Hau tore the malasada apart. Finally, Hau spoke, albeit rather quietly, especially for the green-haired boy himself. "So, Gladion, I just wanted to tell you something."

Gladion sighed exaggeratedly. "What."

"No matter what happens, I'm always going to be with you. Even if Selene and Elio aren't—and I'm not saying Lillie, because I know she'll always be with you, too—I will be there. I know how much your mother hurt you, and…I want to be there when you need me. I know you hate when people try to comfort you or take care of you, but I think you need it, regardless of what you say. Maybe even want it. So I'm here, you know. We're friends now, so I thought I should tell you that."

Gladion narrowed his eyes and glanced up at Hau, trying to figure out if he was joking or not. He'd been looking down the entire time while the younger boy was talking.

Hau looked completely serious, almost frighteningly so, since he was almost never serious in the first place.

Gladion's eyes shot back down.

"I won't need any protecting."

Hau smiled and leaned over from the other side of the small table, tilting Gladion's chin up so that their eyes were forced to meet. The blonde gulped.

"I know. You're more than capable of surviving by yourself. You're amazing," Hau said gently. "But you need some help _living_ on your own. Living and surviving isn't the same thing, and I want you to _live._ "

Nobody had ever cared whether Gladion enjoyed his life or not.

His mother had managed to keep him alive, but he might as well have been dead.

Nobody had ever cared if Gladion was surviving or _living._

And here, before him, was a boy who, for some unfathomable miracle, _did_ care.

He couldn't think.

He couldn't turn away.

He couldn't understand Hau, but he couldn't see anything _except_ him, could he?

Gladion knew how strange this must look for the other patrons of the Malasada Shop. The two Trainers weren't saying anything. Their eyes locked unblinkingly, their faces at an uncomfortably close proximity, it was nothing Gladion was used to, and _hell,_ was he blushing?

He was. He could feel it.

Damn.

 _Why?_

Wait, was Hau blushing too?

No, it was probably an illusion. He was probably just seeing what he wanted to see.

Wait.

Wait, wait, wait…

Why would he _want_ to see that?

"Do you really care?"

It came out quieter than he expected, and Gladion could swear he'd never heard his voice that soft before.

"Of course I do."

Gladion thought something was about to happen, but for the life of him, he couldn't figure out _what._

Then Selene burst in, the sound of her borderline-violent footsteps and the chill that came with her slamming open the door being a startling end to the trance.

"Gladion, Lillie says your mother wants to talk to you over the Xtransceiver! Get over here! You too, Sunshine Boy! Hey, what the hell are you two doing anyway?"

 _God_ …

Why now?

Gladion felt like he was getting somewhere— _emotionally_ —for the first time in years. He couldn't understand how or why, but something was _happening._ And it was because of Hau.

Why did his mother always end up ruining everything?


	10. Crumble

Sticking his face over Selene's Xtransceiver, Gladion growled, "What does _she_ want?"

Lillie bit her lip, looking just as concerned as her brother felt. "I don't know. She just…demanded to speak with you. I don't think she's going to say anything…abusive. If she does, stop listening. I'll try to stop her, and Selene can hang up if gets too bad."

"I don't _want_ to talk to her," Gladion snarled. "Doesn't she realize what she did is unacceptable? You must be a better person than me, Lillie, because I sure as _hell_ am not going to forgive her! Is she too stupid to understand what she did to us?"

"Nobody's asking you to forgive her, Gladion…" Lillie sighed gently. "She just wants to talk."

Gladion felt like he was going to cry, but he wouldn't. He didn't cry in front of people, and he wasn't going to start now. He wasn't planning to start _ever._

He just had to pray his mother wouldn't push his limits.

What if she broke him again?

He wanted to believe he was stable now, but he'd be lying to himself if he did.

After all this time, he was still unhinged.

Hau leaned in and whispered into his ear, "If anything happens, you can just leave with me. I won't let you get hurt again, okay? I'll take care of you."

Though not without a considerably large dose of disgrace, Gladion wondered why he hadn't met someone like Hau earlier in his life.

Maybe he had. Maybe those children who were once his friends, those children whose faces he couldn't quite remember, would grow up to be just as loving as Hau.

But he'd lost them.

What if he lost Hau?

"You'll stay here when I'm talking to her?" Gladion said back in the form of a question. Hau nodded in response while Selene and Lillie exchanged perplexed glances through Xtransceiver.

"All right," Lillie said, inhaling deeply. "I'm going to give my Xtransceiver to Mother. But I'll be standing right outside and…" She bit her lip. "You'll be fine, Gladion."

Gladion swallowed the bile that rose in his throat as he was met with the face of the one person he wished he could escape forever, but somehow always ended up with.

This was his mother.

But she didn't deserve to be.

"Selene, Sweet Hau…" Lusamine said, her voice coming up a rasp. "Gladion…" She tried to smile and managed it, albeit weakly.

Gladion remembered what Lillie had determined only three months after deporting to Kanto. She'd said there was only so much they could do to help their mother recover from the extensive damage she'd suffered due to being under the intense influence of Nihilego's neurotoxins for so long. She'd said she might always be this frail, for the rest of her life.

And to be honest, though he knew it was cruel, Gladion didn't have an issue with that.

He knew it was horrible of him, but if he had to be faced with his monstrosity of a mother again, he wouldn't let it be with her being completely happy and healthy.

Yes, he loved her. Yes, she was his mother.

But no, he would not forgive her.

Gladion gritted his teeth. "What do you want…Lusamine?"

His mother's smile collapsed, her eyes clouding over with sadness. "I see you still won't call me Mother…I understand. I don't…I can't believe what I did to you and your sister."

"You should believe it," Gladion blurted out in the form of a hiss. "You know the neurotoxins do nothing but lower your inhibitions, right? It wasn't like you were being _possessed._ "

He could hear Lillie hiss back, " _Gladion…!_ " from the somewhere he couldn't see on the screen of the Xtransceiver.

Somewhere within him, he expected Lusamine to lose it like she usually did, like she always had. He'd struck a nerve, and she would beat him for it. She would make sure he regretted it.

But Lusamine looked weak and hurt, and nothing manic came over her face. "I know, Gladion. I know."

Hau gripped Gladion's shoulder and Gladion sighed, trying release at least some of the tension inside of him. Hau smiled wryly.

"I'm sorry, it's just…I can't…It's really hard for me to believe that…" Gladion looked down, holding back the tears that were undoubtedly welling in his eyes. He hoped nobody could tell, but though Selene couldn't seem to, Hau wiped his eyes with his sleeve.

Before hearing his mother's voice again, Gladion wondered briefly where, exactly, his relationship with Hau was going.

Was it supposed to be going somewhere?

Did he _want_ it to go somewhere?

"That I've changed…" Lusamine filled in quietly. "I understand. You don't have to forgive me…I heard you saying to Lillie that you don't forgive me."

"I don't, but I suppose that doesn't have to mean that I hate you."

Yes, it did.

It did and Gladion hated both her and himself for it.

And when Lusamine smiled again, Gladion hated the fact that she couldn't tell when he was lying.

"Thank you, Gladion. I never thought we'd end up this way." Lusamine looked away uneasily. "I was always strict and a bit selfish, but what I did…what I did after your father disappeared…"

"It was unacceptable. But as long as you don't do it again…" Gladion trailed off, because he couldn't afford to make any promises, for forgiveness or otherwise.

If he did, he'd probably break them.

He would try as hard as he could, but no matter what, he knew there would always be bitterness in his heart for Lusamine.

 _She_ was the reason why he was…this.

Why he was a cold, insecure mess.

It was all her fault.

"I won't. I never will. Never again," Lusamine said with a fragile determination in both her face and her voice.  
"I can see you…You don't want to talk to me, do you? It's all right…Lillie!"

Lillie took back the Xtransceiver and Gladion was trembling. Hau wrapped his arms around the older boy, trying in vain to steady him.

Lillie was smiling. "You did great, Gladion. Thank you so much. I know you'll never forgive her, but…but…Gladion?"

Turning to look at the blonde, Selene and Hau were greeted with a sight they'd never expected to see, and that they didn't ever want to.

He might've been trying to cover his face with his arm, and he might've been gritting his teeth so that he didn't make any noise, but it was unmistakable.

Gladion was crying.


	11. Modify

"Hang up! It's okay; just hang up, Lillie…"

Lillie, her eyes wide with concern, reluctantly obeyed her brother's command.

Selene was staring at Gladion in shock. Hau was trying desperately to calm him down.

"I know it was hard to talk to your mom again, wasn't it? But you don't have to forgive her…I bet if you asked, Lillie would make sure you never had to do this again…" Hau murmured into the blonde's ear. "I'll take care of you."

"No," Gladion said in a choked voice, shaking his head rapidly. "No. You shouldn't have to."

"It's not about me _having_ to take care of you," Hau shot back sternly. "It's about me _wanting_ to take care of you."

"Is there something here I don't know about?" Selene muttered while watching them cluelessly.

"Nothing important," Hau replied, waving her off. Gladion narrowed his eyes at her, but he knew he couldn't look intimidating when he was this vulnerable.

He wasn't used to being like this in front of people.

He'd hoped he'd never have to.

"What's bothering you?" Then, correcting himself, Hau said, "I mean, that's obvious, but what _exactly?_ "

Gladion pressed his eyes together as tightly as he could manage, hoping foolishly that he'd never have to open them again.

Even then, his mother's image danced and flashed behind his eyelids.

And with that image came the traumatic memories.

No matter how hard he tried to push them down and forget them, to convince himself he was far past those times, they always came back to him, haunting him like they would never go away.

"I thought I'd finally—I thought I'd…" Gladion sniffed, forcing acid back down his throat. "I haven't seen her face in so long, and I thought—I hoped…"

"You'd never have to see her again?" Selene guessed, sympathy shimmering in her eyes.

Hau held his distressed friend closer, and when said friend looked up, he was thoroughly disbelieving and displeased when he saw Hau himself was close to tears.

The eleven-year-old boy braved a stoic expression, seeming to sense that if he started crying it would only make things worse. "Have you ever talked to Lillie about this?"

"What good would it do? She knows how much it hurts me to even _try_ to accept Lusamine back into my life, and she still thinks seeing and talking to her is healthy, I just—I _can't._ I can't do this."

Gladion's friends' voices were all background noise compared to the aggressive pounding of his heart, which seemed like it was about to burst and spurt blood all over his insides.

He scarcely registered Hau burying his nose in his blonde hair and thought, distantly, that he was never this open to human contact unless it was with his sister.

But now was an exception in all things.

"I bet Lillie doesn't know how much this hurts you if she still insists on you repairing—or _somewhat_ repairing, at least—your relationship with your mother."

That was Selene, wasn't it?

Her hand was on his shoulder.

He smacked it away.

He didn't feel safe being touched by anyone except Hau.

He felt like if anyone else touched him, he would blow up in their face and shatter, falling to pieces at their feet.

Gladion still refused to open his eyes.

"Why is he letting _you_ touch him and not _me?_ Last time I checked, he liked you even less than me."

Selene.

"Aw, come on. He always loved me."

And that was definitely Hau.

There was a brief silence, of which Gladion assumed constituted his two friends waiting for him to argue that fact.

But he didn't have the energy.

After all, Hau was probably right.

He wondered for less than a second how that boy could possibly be joking around during a situation like this before realizing warily that Hau's voice was lacking quite a bit of its usual vigor and happy-go-lucky lightness.

He didn't want to be the source of that.

"You guys don't need to stay here. You should…probably go. I'll be fine. I don't care if you leave."

Damn it, he didn't mean a word of that, did he?

"I know you don't mean any of that, Gladion, and we're not going anywhere."

Well.

For the first time ever, he was grateful Hau could see through him.

He wasn't going to admit it, but he wasn't going to fight it either.

"Gladion, talk to us."

"How am I supposed to—how can I—I had friends once, Hau, and she took them away. How am I going to accept her back into my life? She ruined everything. She ruined _me._ "

Gladion couldn't tell if he'd said that out loud or not, because the ringing in his ears was far too loud for him to think, and he _remembered._

It was _her._

Of course it was.

Because they weren't beautiful enough for her, was that it?

They weren't rich enough, weren't smart enough, weren't obedient enough.

They weren't _enough._

Just like Gladion wasn't ever enough.

" _I don't want you ending up like them, Gladion. You can become someone amazing. You can make me proud. But those children…they can't. So please stop crying. Mother is here now. They can't do anything for you. Stop crying, Gladion. Stop crying. Stop crying now!"_

No.

 _"_ _You don't need them, see? You don't need anyone else besides your mother and Lillie. Stop crying. …There you are, Gladion. My perfect, beautiful son…Don't ever do that to me again, okay? You made me worried…"_

No, stop.

He didn't want to remember.

 _"_ _What are you doing? Why won't you listen to me?! This isn't my son! You aren't my son! Why are you crying again?! They're worthless! They mean nothing! Listen to me!"_

Was Hau speaking?

Or was that Selene?

Or was it nobody at all?

 _"_ _Why can't you just do what I say? Why can't you ever listen? It was just a nightmare—I took them away from you years ago, and you're still not—you're still not over it! One dream is all it takes to doubt your mother? Is that how this works? That isn't how this is supposed to work! That isn't how it's supposed to be! Stop crying, stop screaming, go back to sleep! Go back to sleep! You'll wake up your sister, go back to sleep!"_

He hated her voice. Her voice was like a loud screeching that just wouldn't stop. It wracked its way through your ears and your brain and your heart and it killed you, or you wished it would.

He'd made a mistake, hadn't he?

He should never have gotten attached, but it was too late now.

If something happened, he would break again.

It was too late.

Why couldn't hearts have off switches, like lights?

Why couldn't he just put himself in the dark forever?

 _"_ _What are these? What are these, Gladion?! You know people can't see this! These ugly marks on your arms…What did you do to yourself, you wretch? People will think you're disgusting! What did you even do this with? Why would you do this? You know doing this disappoints Mother…and you can't say this was me! This wasn't me! This was you! Don't speak! Shut up! Gladion, be quiet!"_

He'd managed to push these down into the dark, murky depths of his mind for the longest time.

But just seeing her face again, just _hearing her voice again,_ destroyed him.

He'd fought back these flashbacks before, but only because it was for the good of Alola.

Now, he was only fighting for himself.

And that wasn't a battle worth winning.

 _"_ _I love you."_

Two people saying the exact same thing, their voices overlapping, completely different tones and implications…

 _Her,_ saying it as a threat, indirectly warning him if he did anything else, she wouldn't.

 _Him,_ saying it like he meant it, like he always would, like…

Wait, _him?_

Gladion's eyes shot open. Selene was staring at him and Hau in absolute shock.

"I don't mean romantically or platonically…it doesn't matter. All those things that happened with your mother will never happen again. I love you."

What did love mean?

Love meant pain.

Love meant hiding your feelings to make the other person proud.

Love meant intimidation.

But that wasn't _really_ what love meant.

Not when _she_ wasn't the one giving it and begging to receive it.

When _he_ was giving it and begging to receive it, love meant something different.

Love meant salvation.

Love meant liberation.

Love meant security.

Meeting Hau's eyes and not knowing of what kind of love he was speaking, Gladion rasped:

"I love you too."

And everything disappeared before his eyes like a pencil drawing being erased, or a white page being painted black.


	12. Revelation

_A/N: Finally, the next chapter! I truly, truly apologize for how long this update took. The entire story was on a Microsoft Word document on my main computer, which crashed a while ago. I'd already finished half of what I had originally planned to be this chapter, and I was so annoyed by losing it even though it hadn't been completely done that I stopped. Once my main computer was up and running again I'd planned to continue the chapter from where I left off, but it's still not back up, and so shortly ago I decided I would simply rewrite this chapter. I didn't want to make you guys wait any longer. I hope it was worth it!_

* * *

Gladion looked around warily. The blur was slowly fading away from his vision, and he noticed now that, aside from having apparently been laid down on a bed, his friends were surrounding him. They all looked concerned, but Lillie in particular had her eyes wide as could be. She was horrified, and emeralds were obscured by glimmering tears.

The tears slid down the young girl's face and her lip quivered. "Gladion, I'm so sorry that I…!" She took in a small gasp of air. "If I'd known seeing our mother again would do this to you, I would have—!"

Gladion reached up to wipe away his younger sister's tears, grimacing. He hated to see her cry, especially since he had so many vivid memories of _both_ of them crying in response to their mother.

"Don't. Don't cry, Lillie; it's okay. I'm going to be fine." Mustering up all the strength he could, Gladion managed to smile.

This, however, only seemed to make Lillie more furious.

"No, _you_ don't! I'm not a little girl anymore, Gladion! You don't need to tell me things are fine when they're not!" Lillie sniffed loudly. A solemnly-smiling Selene handed her a tissue, of which she wiped her nose with.

Upon hearing this, Gladion realized something: Lillie really _wasn't_ a little girl anymore. It was such a wonderfully shocking revelation that he might have tripped had he not been lying down in the first place.

She'd grown so much, and he hadn't known. She wasn't the same shy, afraid girl she once was. She had bravery, _determination_ in her eyes.

She'd grown this much, and he hadn't been there for her.

Gladion smiled painfully. "Lillie, when…did you become who you are now?"

Lillie blinked slowly in confusion. "What? I'm not really sure what you're talking about…"

"What I mean is that you're right. You're not a little girl anymore. But the last time I saw you before I ran away, you still were." Gladion bit his lip. "So when was it that you became such an impressive sister?"

Lillie blinked again before laughing freely, her laugh washing Gladion's vision in gold. "Oh, Gladion…It certainly wasn't when _I_ ran away. I was still the same. But meeting all of them, especially Selene…" She trailed off, glancing at Selene and Hau on her right, then at Elio on her left.

Gladion smirked at Selene, who smirked back. "I guess I owe you one for helping Lillie become the girl she is now, hmm?"

Selene snickered and waved a dismissive hand at him. "You don't owe me anything. She already had everything within her; I just helped her bring it out. But if you really _want_ to owe me something, then yeah, Gladion, you owe me one."

Suddenly, the blonde's eyes strayed to Hau, who was fidgeting uncomfortably on the side.

Had Hau said he loved him?

Had he said he loved Hau in return?

His mind strayed away from unpleasant thoughts of Lusamine and contrasting pleasant thoughts of Lillie being all grown up.

Hau had really changed things for him, although he'd only met the kid ten months ago. He'd made him realize, at least to an extent, that he _meant_ something to people. And as of late, he'd made him realize that his friends were always there for him.

But the green-haired Trainer had changed something else, too. Something deep inside Gladion that he couldn't put a finger on, despite knowing for sure it was there.

If he were to be honest, he felt closer to Hau than he did any of the rest of them, minus Lillie. Even if Hau was almost insane in his exuberance, being around him brought a peace of mind that Gladion didn't seem to experience around anybody else.

What _was_ his relationship with Hau?

He didn't feel as though they were brothers, but he was certain they were more than friends, and they _definitely_ weren't enemies. What did that leave?

Gladion twitched. That left something, all right…something he was _sure_ they weren't.

He wasn't sure if he _wanted_ them to be, though.

They really needed to talk.

"Gladion, are you listening?!"

The green-eyed boy snapped out of his train of thought, looking up at his pouting sister.

"I _said,_ next time something like this might happen, you have to let me know." Lillie put her hands on her hips. "You can't worry me like that! You have to tell me if you know something bad is going to happen, and I can help it!"

"I just didn't want you to get mad at me and say I wasn't giving Lusamine a chance…I decided I might as well try for you." Gladion chuckled despite the acid curdling in his stomach at saying his mother's name. "I'm sorry too, Lillie."

Lillie huffed, "Not sorry enough!" before contrarily throwing herself onto her brother in a gigantic, completely unnecessary hug. Gladion smiled just the slightest bit and, recognizing the situation was hopeless, gently wrapped his arms around Lillie as well.

Getting distracted again though Lillie was still trapped in his embrace (and vice versa), Gladion's green eyes wandered to Hau. When their eyes met, Hau smiled gently and seemed significantly relaxed that he wasn't freaking out anymore over seeing Lusamine.

Gladion found that he didn't want to worry Hau. He could pretend he hated him all he wanted, but it wouldn't change anything, and as of late it would be about a million times harder to _pretend._

He wanted to thank the younger boy, but he didn't know how, and even if he just tried saying it out loud, he wouldn't be able to find the right words.

When Lillie released him, Hau spoke.

"Gladion, can I talk to you for a second?"

Elio and Lillie turned to the green-haired Trainer in surprise while Selene simply snorted as if she'd known this was going to happen all along.

Gladion frowned as though the idea displeased him, but he could already guess his expression wasn't as convincing as it once might have been.

"Sure. Why don't the rest of you get out?"

"How polite," Elio grumbled as he slipped out of the room with Lillie. Selene remained for a second before rolling her eyes and saying, "See you later, loser!" and following her brother and girlfriend.

Gladion propped himself up using the pillow he'd been lying on. He felt much more comfortable when Hau didn't appear to tower over him. It made him feel inferior. Their eyes connected again.

"What is it?"

Hau sighed a little, a different type of concern than before igniting in his eyes. His eyes, Gladion noticed, were quite pretty, with a depth he thought his own lacked. Most people loved light-colored eyes, but Gladion thought they were unappealing because they were shallower—at least, in his opinion. Hau's eyes were darker.

He scowled, realizing he was spending a bit too long dwelling on Hau's eyes, and turned his attention to the boy's words instead.

"Oh, it's not that important. So if you don't want to talk about it, you don't have to—obviously. You don't have to talk about anything you don't want to. But I just needed to know what we're…what we're _doing,_ I guess."

Gladion was simultaneously relieved and put on edge that Hau wanted to talk about the exact same thing he'd been thinking of mentioning.

And yet he still pretended he didn't know what he was talking about.

"What do you mean?" Gladion frowned tightly. "We're friends now. We've established that…as much as it annoys me to say it. I don't know what you're trying to say."

"Yes, you do." Hau slipped his hand into Gladion's, intertwining their fingers.

Gladion knew it would probably be best for him to separate their hands, but unfortunately, he found himself liking the contact more than he preferred to think about.

He closed his green eyes briefly before opening his mouth. "Yes, I do. Are you searching for me to say something, Hau? Because I have absolutely no idea what I'm supposed to say."

"You're not _supposed_ to say anything," Hau shot back, sounding almost angry. "I want you to tell me what you want this relationship to be."

"We're friends," Gladion snapped equally as angrily, not knowing what point he was trying to make.

Did he want them to be more than friends?

What was "more than friends" in the first place?

"I told you I loved you." Hau narrowed his eyes. "And you said you loved me too."

"You just said that because I was falling off the edge," Gladion retorted. "That means whatever you said—whatever we _both_ said—doesn't mean anything."

Realizing his statement might actually have been true made Gladion's heart drop.

 _Had_ Hau only said that because he was on the verge of madness?

Did it mean anything at all?

Because he'd certainly meant it when he answered he loved Hau as well.

"Not just," Hau replied, his voice softening. But he was gripping the blonde's hand harder now, and his eyes ( _very_ pretty) were staring fiercely into Gladion's. "I meant it. I meant every word of it. I wouldn't say something like that if I didn't mean it."

"But we're friends."

Gladion found himself hoping that wasn't all they were.

What did he _want_ them to be?

"Not just," Hau repeated, his voice so quiet it was a whisper.

Gladion hated it—really, really hated it—but at that moment, a wave of euphoria washed over him and he swore he would float away, out of the world and into heaven.

(He wasn't sure if he believed in heaven, but he could at least guess how ending up there would make you feel.)

(And he was fairly certain it felt the way he did right then.)

"Maybe _you_ didn't mean what you said back there," Hau continued, his barely-audible voice somehow still overflowing with a fiery boldness, "but I did, so I'm going to ask you: _what do you want us to be?_ "

Gladion looked away. "I meant what I said."

"Because I know what _I_ want us to be," Hau said, so absorbed in doubt that it seemed he hadn't heard the older boy, "but I'm not moving on without you."

Beginning to tremble almost violently, Gladion gritted his teeth, his eyes fixing on everything, _anything_ but Hau.

What did he want them to be?

He didn't know how to put it into words, but he knew this:

Being friends wasn't enough.

So that's what he said.

"Being friends isn't enough."

As Hau leaned in far closer than was necessary to simply _speak_ to his friend, Gladion realized he wasn't the only one trembling.

Also, if the green-haired child kept it up, Gladion's hand would be left with bruises.

"What do you want us to be?" Hau repeated the same line from before. Gladion could feel his cool breath against his face.

"I don't know what I want," Gladion answered, wishing at that moment he could afford to be something other than honest.

"Is this what you want?"

And as Hau pressed his lips against Gladion's, the emerald-eyed teen felt a sensation he'd never felt before, a sensation that felt like a wildfire mixed with the euphoria from before mixed with an almost unbearable longing.

Hau hadn't just completely invaded Gladion's personal space; he'd also broken an invisible barrier between them.

And Gladion liked it.

He liked it a _lot._

So as Hau pulled back, still only inches from the other's face and both of them breathless, Gladion once again said the truth.

"Yes."


	13. Doubt

The previous night, Gladion had desperately wanted to fall asleep. He had known if he didn't do so he'd be an absolute wreck in the morning. True, he was a workaholic and could do without many of the supposedly necessary hours of sleep, but that didn't mean he was any healthier than any another workaholic, and it didn't mean he never slept.

Now it was morning and Gladion thanked God he'd somehow managed to fall asleep. He was only slightly tired from the hours he'd spent awake the last night, unable to get the feeling of Hau's lips on his off his mind. It was so maddening that at one point he'd almost gotten up just to find Hau and kiss him before he stopped and realized the utter absurdity of that plan.

Gladion was currently sitting around a table with Elio, Selene, and Lillie, the former two smirking while the last simply had a bright smile on her face. He wondered briefly where Hau was before figuring out the most likely reason why his friends looked like that. He narrowed his eyes dangerously.

"Don't _tell_ me you—"

"Hau told us everything!" Lillie interrupted excitedly, her eyes sparkling. Gladion groaned.

"So," Selene said, her smirk growing in haughtiness, "are you and Hau officially dating, or…?"

"I hate all of you, first of all," Gladion growled, making Elio grin and Selene scoff. "And second of all, I have no idea whether we're dating or not. Where _is_ Hau, anyway?"

"He's telling Hala," Elio replied casually. Gladion choked on air.

"What!" Gladion spat, making Selene burst out into laughter. "That little brat can't even _ask_ me before going around telling people we may or may not be dating now?"

"That's Hau for you! You should know this by now, Gladion. This is the type of uncensored enthusiasm that had you ready to explode when you first met him," Selene said, a glint in her eyes.

"I'm aware," Gladion grumbled.

"What made you decide to start dating Hau in the first place?" Elio asked calmly, his arms crossed.

" _We're not dating_ …yet." Gladion sighed. "Although apparently Hau says differently…"

"Ignore the technicalities, Gladion, you guys _are_ dating." Elio frowned.

"The only reason _I'm_ surprised is because I thought you hated him!" Selene snorted.

"I always knew he didn't hate Hau," Lillie chimed in. "He pretended he did, but he never really _hated_ Hau. Right, Gladion?"

"I certainly didn't _like_ him, but I guess I didn't hate him either," Gladion admitted reluctantly. "It all just happened so quickly, I'm…not really sure what's going on."

"Well, we all knew you were gay," Selene pointed out bluntly.

Lillie and Elio raised their hands meekly to signal that, despite Selene's words, they had not.

"How would you _know_ that if I've never had an interest in anyone except Hau?" Gladion demanded, sounding annoyed.

"Well, you never showed any interest in girls, _ever,_ and I just got this vibe from you," Selene said dismissively. "Apparently _these_ two dummies didn't get it, but I did."

"Gladion, come here!"

Everyone turned in the direction of the voice, which was undoubtedly Hau's.

"What is it?" Gladion yelled. Hau was peeking out from the doorway of the room he'd been talking to Hala in.

Hau dangled is Xtransceiver in front of him. Hala was grinning back at them.

"My gramps wants to talk to you!" Hau replied with his trademark million-watt smile.

Gladion stiffened. He hoped that, if Hau was going to tell people about what was going on between them, he'd handle it all himself. Gladion wasn't very good with strangers, especially when it came to discussing matters such as this. He didn't want to talk to a kahuna about this, much less a kahuna that happened to also be Hau's _grandfather._

If Hala didn't like him, would he and Hau have to go back to just being friends?

Gladion didn't think he could handle that. If they went back to that now, the blonde would feel as though he was actively being starved.

They were hardly _past_ that point anyway, but Gladion got the feeling he and Hau wouldn't go back.

Gladion ran over to Hau, who passed the Xtransceiver over to him and left the room. He could hear loud chatter and laughter coming from outside the door he'd just closed, and he wished the others could be in this room with him.

"I'm just going to let you know now," Gladion said flatly, holding Hau's Xtransceiver awkwardly in his hand, "that I'm not a social person, and it's quite likely I'm going to be extremely uncomfortable during this conversation and am going to embarrass myself."

Hala let out a laugh as booming as his casual, deep voice, and yet there was something uneasy within it that carried vaguely across the elderly kahuna's expression. Gladion knew a lot of people would not have caught this, though it wasn't entirely _impossible_ to catch. Hala was usually such an easygoing man, though he _did_ recall a story Hau told him where Hala had made him cry because his anger had scared him so much…

(Hau had played this story off with a breezy laugh, but Gladion was already worrying about what was to come.)

"Oh, I don't mind. I've definitely had my fair share of uncomfortable, unnecessarily-embarrassed challengers," Hala answered in a not-quite-assuring voice, his tone lacking some of its usual heartiness. His grin didn't have all its usual vigor. "I just wanted to talk to you about Hau. Actually, I wanted to talk about you and Hau. So you two are…together?"

Gladion flinched. "Yes. I mean, I suppose we are. He didn't get my consent or anything, but if he asks, I'm going to say yes anyway."

He wondered if he should've said more.

He wondered if he shouldn't have said anything at all.

He wondered if Hala was a homophobe.

Hala sighed deeply, his grin disappearing in an instant. "I don't mind if you and my grandson are together. I'm not that kind of man. I'm more open-minded than that…" He sighed again, quieter this time. Gladion didn't know whether he should feel relieved yet. "It's just that Hau's been talking about you for a long time, and he's let a few things slip that I wanted to…talk to you about."

Gladion felt a knot begin to develop in his stomach.

"What…what is it?"

"Hau raves about you, and I am not a very judgmental man," Hala said. "The more time goes on, the more positive Hau's comments about you seem to get, so I have a lot of faith in you."

The blonde bit the inside of his cheek.

He wished Hala wouldn't put faith in him.

He'd probably just mess everything up.

"But I remember some things Hau told me about you when he wasn't sure about you."

Gladion gulped and his eyes widened. He was begging whatever gods he could that it didn't show as much as he was sure it did.

"Relax, boy," Hala said sternly. It wasn't comforting at all, and Gladion gripped his wrist tightly as his hand began to tremble.

Oh, that. That was another thing he hadn't told anyone about. Only Lillie and his… _mother_ …knew what the cause of his hand's violent trembling was. He hadn't even told Hau.

As irritating as the assumption could be, Gladion was pretty glad most people thought he was doing it on purpose to appear edgy.

Really, it was nerve damage. It didn't affect his hand all the time, but it seemed to affect his hand when he was anxious, and sometimes when he was angry.

Lusamine had been trying to put something together, but Gladion couldn't recall what exactly it was. The only thing he knew with certainty was that it had to do with Ultra Beasts, and that Wicke had accidentally broken a minor part of it. The president of the Aether Foundation had been nearly done with fixing the contraption, hammering in the last few screws.

Then Gladion reached out to touch it, not knowing any better.

Something sparking in her eyes, Lusamine instinctively reached out and smashed his hand with a hammer.

He had to go to a hospital where they made sure his hand was still able to function but couldn't fix the nerve damage his mother had done. He didn't know if the hospital had suspected she'd done something to him.

He guessed Lusamine had paid the hospital to keep quiet if they had.

Trying not to have any reaction to the memory, Gladion reminded himself he was lucky the nerve damage would most likely heal over time. Though it was still bad enough, he remembered it was much, much worse at the beginning.

He usually blocked out the memory entirely when his hand started trembling.

He tried to keep a straight face and focus only on Hau's grandfather.

Realizing that, despite it only having been a few seconds, he'd been silent a moment too long, Gladion said, "I'm sorry, I just…I'm a bit distracted today. I'm better now. What was it that you wanted to, um, talk about?"

"Hau's made me aware that you cuss a lot…I guess I was expecting you to act the same way around adults." Hala chuckled. "That's the minor stuff, though."

Gladion grimaced, considering telling him that he _did_ usually act the same way around adults, but that today was a special occasion.

He opted for keeping his mouth shut instead.

"So, let's get serious here for a moment. Hau told me you were once with a gang, those Team Skull hooligans." Hala frowned. "Is that right?"

This was just _great._

How much did Hau tell Hala?

Gladion knew the answer but prayed he was wrong anyway.

"That's correct," Gladion said, absolutely despising the timid tone his voice had taken on. "Uh, but…I'm not with them anymore. I used to be their enforcer, though admittedly most of them didn't like me…the leader liked me, and his admin liked me, but the rest of them didn't."

"Hau's been helping rehabilitate some former members of Team Skull," Hala pointed out, his voice becoming the tiniest bit lighter. "Did you know that?"

Gladion nodded meekly. "Yes. I think he's a better person than I am."

Gladion _wished_ he was joking.

He also hoped Hala couldn't tell that he wasn't.

Hala continued, "I just want to make sure you don't…well, go by those ways anymore. You know what I'm saying. I'm not trying to offend you, but let's be honest. What Team Skull used to do wasn't exactly the most decent stuff."

The teen nodded again, rapidly this time. "Oh, I know. I was…a little out of line. I might still be." He laughed hastily, trying to play the comment off as a joke. Why did he keep saying things he shouldn't be? "But I wouldn't do all those things again. That…wasn't right."

Gladion wanted to curse his luck that he couldn't insert elegance into his words whenever it counted.

"Good. I believe you. And…one more thing," Hala said, his face softening unexpectedly. "Hau told me about your mother…"

"He did?" Gladion blurted out, suddenly wanting to disappear into a hole and die.

"He did. I just want you to know that Hau will always be here for you…if you need him. And so will I. So will all your friends." Hala cleared his throat, sounding slightly out of place. "I'm not very good with things like this, but while Hau looks out for you, look out for Hau. Do you think you can do that?"

"Yes," Gladion said. His voice was barely audible.

Hala rewarded the boy with a smile. "Thank you."

Unfortunately, as Gladion called Hau over to retrieve his Xtransceiver and exchange a few last words with his grandfather, he felt something gnawing at him.

He adored Hau. He never wanted Hau to leave him. That boy made him happier and calmer than he ever was, and yet, also made him crazy.

But how could he ever look after him when he couldn't even look after himself?


	14. Façade

Hau ran up to Gladion with a goofy grin, eyes practically exploding with needless hyperactive fire. (What else was new?)

"How'd it go?" the green-haired boy chirped. "Don't you just love my gramps? He really is the best. Really not your traditional grandpa-type, you know?"

"It went fine, thanks," Gladion said guardedly, though without the sarcasm and annoyance that statement usually would have held coming from him.

"What did Hala say to you?" Selene smirked. "He didn't have a problem with you, did he? I can only imagine, what with you tainting his precious, pure Hau…"

Hau laughed freely while Gladion rolled his eyes. "I'm hardly _tainting_ him. And besides, he didn't have a problem with me."

"What did he say?" Lillie asked, her eyes locking with her brother's. Her gaze was calm and composed, more so than Gladion ever was.

"Not much…" Gladion lied, trying not to cringe at his own petty dishonesty. "He basically was just making sure I would take care of Hau."

Hau perked up. "Will you?"

Selene said, "How are you supposed to take care of him if you can't even _handle_ him? God knows his energy keeps you on your toes all the time."

"I'm _quite_ aware of that," Gladion replied icily, making Selene crack a grin. "And to be honest, I have no idea. He doesn't even _need_ taking care of. He's always peachy. Seriously—he's, like, _peachy._ I don't think I've ever used that word in my life, but it seems appropriate, and I think I just threw up in my mouth."

Elio's lips curved into a tiny smile. "Hearing you say _peachy_ just cured any and all minor insecurities I have."

Everybody except for Gladion laughed. The blonde himself simply glared, per the usual.

"I'm being completely serious here. Taking care of Hau would be pointless for any purpose other than personal enjoyment. He's happy all the time. What more can anyone do?" Gladion crossed his arms rigidly. "And besides, he's not like me. He doesn't have millions of problems to handle."

Hau put a hand on his hip, his smile faltering. "How do you know that?"

Selene snickered. "Please. We all know you're the most gleeful, secure kid in the universe. I feel as though you'd be the one person here who'd run through a field of flowers and burst into song."

"Maybe," Hau answered, now frowning, "but Gladion and I are more alike than you'd guess."

Gladion almost choked at that.

How could this child possibly think they were _alike?_

They weren't. They weren't alike at all.

Gladion hated himself and hated the world, and he hated hating himself and hated hating the world. He was _that boy,_ the one who sulked in shadows and sat in abandoned corners and was there but wouldn't say a word. He spent countless hours dwelling over his problems, which gnawed at him with fangs sharper than any Pokémon's. He would look in the mirror and realize that, yes, he was a huge mess, and maybe he could never be fixed, and perhaps he shouldn't even try.

Hau was brimming with confidence and enthusiasm. He loved everyone to some extent no matter how they treated him, and he loved loving people. He would rush to anybody he could find and his words rushed out of his mouth loud and fast. He used his time laughing and smiling and running, running to places he wouldn't even know where, with utmost excitement and joy. He would look in the mirror proudly and tell his reflection that he would keep going no matter what, that he could become the Champion if it was truly what his heart desired.

"No. I hate to burst your bubble, Hau, but we are _nothing_ like one another." Gladion said bluntly. "I could probably write an essay on all the reasons why we're different, but it all boils down to this: I have a lot of problems. And you don't have any."

Hau tensed.

It was barely noticeable, but Gladion noticed a lot of things most people wouldn't. He could be an exceptionally perceptive person.

"I mean, it might not look like it, but I have problems." Hau bit his lip. "Everybody has problems."

"If you think you have _real_ problems, you're delusional," Gladion snapped, feeling some guilt begin to stir in his gut but continuing nonetheless. "Your worst problem is probably which kind of malasada you should buy when you go to the Malasada Shop."

Everyone else waited with baited breath to see Hau's reaction, which Gladion didn't understand in the slightest. He knew the Trainer would just laugh it off and maybe even agree with him, and then it would be over. Things like this never fazed Hau.

Except Hau pushed his chair back angrily and stormed into a bedroom, slamming the door behind him.

Gladion felt the guilt become more prominent know, no longer even remotely dormant.

Why did he always do this?

He always messed things up. He didn't understand other people's emotions enough, and sometimes he was scared he just didn't _care._

"Okay, you went a little overboard there." Selene said tartly. "I get what you were trying to say, but did you really have to word it that way, Gladion?"

"There are other, less harsh ways to say something like that," Lillie agreed in a somewhat hushed voice.

"I know, but I always say things like that. I don't get what was special about that." Gladion sighed, sounding thoroughly aggravated and confused by the situation. "Why was that the only thing Hau's ever actually been offended by? He stomped away without explaining anything."

"When people are mad they don't often explain things, Gladion," Elio answered. Mild accusation was evident in his eyes and tone.

"You should probably go talk to him, if you really are his boyfriend," Lillie suggested placidly, not seeming overly upset with Gladion rather than wanting to help him.

Gladion clenched his fists. "Fine." He stood up stiffly and walked towards the bedroom Hau had disappeared into, rapping on the door rhythmically.

He was overwhelmed by the revelation of exactly _how_ insensitive he could be, and how insensitive he must have been all the years after running from Aether Paradise without knowing. He was selfish, so selfish, and it made him sick.

The least he could do was correct it, even if only in this particular situation.

He hadn't known Hau for very long, but it was already dreadfully evident to Gladion that he loved him, cared for him more than he'd likely cared for anyone other than Lillie, and maybe Silvally. But this thing he had with Hau was different from his relationship with his sister and favorite Pokémon.

Calling out the displeased boy's name, Gladion hoped Hau wasn't furious with him.

"Come in!" a strangely chipper and recognizable voice replied. Puzzled by Hau's sudden change in mood judging by his voice, Gladion opened the door and walked inside.

Hau was sitting on top of the bed, toying with one of the sheets in between his fingers even as his eyes met Gladion's. "Sorry I overreacted, Gladion. I shouldn't have run off like that. It was a stupid move. But you don't have to worry, because I'm fine now!" He gave his green-eyed friend an invigorated thumbs-up.

Gladion frowned. "Are you really?"

"Believe me," Hau insisted, "I'm fine. I'm absolutely great, in fact. So if you want to go back out there, it'll be like nothing ever happened."

Gladion walked over to the bed and sat down next to Hau, examining his face closely. He was smiling, but his eyes were a little red, and his cheeks looked a little wet.

Memories ripped through Gladion like simultaneous fire and ice.

 _"_ _Young Master Gladion? Are you all right? You don't look very good…"_

 _"_ _I'm fine, Wicke."_

The amount of times he'd said those two words while living with Lusamine and Lillie in Aether Paradise— _I'm fine_ —was unimaginable, and it made him feel awful that he'd never once been telling the truth.

He could be crying or bleeding or about to explode, but that wouldn't change a thing. Wicke would open his door or Lillie would cling to his side, and he would reply he was fine in the most believable way he could manage.

So Gladion, recalling these painful recollections despite the agony they caused him, knew one thing for a fact:

Hau was not fine.

"Don't lie to me," Gladion growled, making Hau flinch. "I can see right through you, so don't even try it."

Hau's eyes widened, overflowing with innocence. "What? I have no idea what you're talking about!"

"You're good at pretending. I'm good at pretending, too." Gladion sighed. It was barely audible. His voice softened significantly, and although he wasn't very accustomed to contact, much less appreciated it, he wrapped his arm lightly around Hau's middle. "But it takes a pretender to know a pretender. I've said 'I'm fine' a thousand times, and I have never, ever meant it. I don't want you to say it without meaning it too."

Hau's smile evaporated and he leaned into Gladion's touch—like he needed it. Like if Gladion's arm wasn't around him, he might plummet and fade away.

"It's really not a big deal."

Hau spoke in a single breath, weak and hollow.

"That isn't true. Almost anything can be a big deal depending on the person," Gladion argued. "And…and if it upsets you, it's a big deal to me. I want to know how I can avoid doing this to you again."

Hau inhaled deeply. He had almost smiled at Gladion's words, but his mouth had never quite gotten there. "It's sort of dumb why I got mad."

"I don't care. I just want to know."

"It's just that…" Hau paused for a moment. "I have problems, Gladion. I _do._ Maybe they're not as bad as yours, and I wasn't trying to make a comparison, but I wanted you to know you weren't alone. And…I probably wanted to tell myself that, too."

Gladion's arm tightened around Hau. He felt the need to hold him up, even if nothing other than the aura he was giving off suggested he would fall. "I'm very sorry for what I said. I'm…I'm selfish, Hau. I'm really damn selfish, and I'm always wishing I could change it, but I'm just so tactless and _selfish_ that I can't…" He trailed off and looked away. "Do you want to know the truth? I'm a bad person. And I'm not just saying that, Hau. I think I _am._ Because the first thing I thought when you said you had problems wasn't that you didn't, it was that nobody should care because they can't possibly be anywhere near as bad as _mine._ "

"I believe most people think that way, whether they admit it or not," Hau said slowly. Gladion glanced over at him, seeing his eyes were getting red again and he was sniffing, obviously trying to hold back tears.

Gladion scooted closer to Hau; their sides were pressed against each other. Instead of paying attention to the small flame, the twitchy sparks dancing in his stomach, he begged himself to pay attention to the situation.

"Do _you_ think that way?"

Hau was silent for a moment before answering, "Rarely."

Gladion laughed mirthlessly. "See? You're a good person. I'm not."

And he meant it.

Gladion had always tried to convince himself that he didn't have time for the company of somebody like Hau. He'd always tried to hate Hau, tried to think he was stupid even though he _knew_ he wasn't.

But if he was being honest with himself—honest enough so that it made him uncomfortable—he thought he didn't _deserve_ the company of somebody like Hau.

It didn't matter if the kid had problems or not. Hau always wanted the best for everyone else. Even if someone didn't seem to particularly like him—like Gladion hadn't—he was always there for them, always looking out for them, always keeping them safe and sound. He protected his friends as much as he could and was kinder than he needed to be. He was a shelter, a key, a _light_ for those who needed him.

Why should Gladion have somebody like that?

"Gladion, I'm not going to argue with you, because I think you're a good person, better than you believe. And yes, I also love you. But the real reason I got upset before was because you…you kind of said what I've always thought."

Gladion turned his head to look into Hau's eyes, perplexed.

(Why were his eyes so _pretty?_ )

"I have self-esteem issues. I guess—I guess that's what I'd call them, if I was forced to label them at knifepoint. But there are so many people who have it worse. Like you. Your mother brutally abused you and you ran away from home, ended up joining a gang, then had to see your mother again when she practically killed your sister and destroyed the world. I'm not saying this all to rub your past in your face, Gladion. I'm trying to show you how little my problems look compared to yours because, yeah, they _are_ little compared to yours. And that really scares me, because they _hurt._ When I think about that, I think I don't deserve help. I think I'm just weak and that anybody else could just _get over it,_ but I can't. And the way you said what you said before, it sounded like you were saying just that. You were saying you've had it much worse, and so anything I'm going through doesn't matter. I've always thought that, but having it confirmed just—I don't know."

"I didn't mean it. Everything you're saying right now? It's not true." Gladion's voice had risen in volume and confidence. He couldn't recall a time when he sounded this strong, this certain. "It doesn't matter if people have had it worse. What you're going through _matters,_ especially if it's hurting you. It doesn't immediately make you weak if other people have made it through worse things. Your real fault is _thinking_ it does. Everybody deserves help if they think they need it. It doesn't matter if other people have walked through hell. It only matters that you trust your heart and go find somebody to help you."

Realizing what he'd said, heat rose to Gladion's face and he could feel himself blushing.

Had he really just said all that?

He meant it, but he'd never…

He'd never really said anything like that, to anyone.

He was staring into Hau's pretty, dark eyes, and Hau was staring back into his own green eyes.

It was wonderful.

And it was torture.

Hau turned and hugged Gladion even though Gladion's side was still facing him. The blonde turned his head and nuzzled the other Pokémon Trainer's hair.

"Hau, tell me what's wrong."

Hau sighed into the crook of his neck.

"I…well, my gramps wants me to become the next kahuna, and I have that dream too, but…"

Gladion had started stroking Hau's back when he remembered something.

 _"_ _Besides losing any of you guys, I guess I'm scared I'll never be enough for my grandpa."_

Now he understood he hadn't taken those words seriously enough.

But in fairness, Hau hadn't made them _sound_ serious enough, either.

"Look, I've surpassed my gramps already, but I don't know if I could ever deal with the stress of being a kahuna. The constant challengers, the reputation, living up to my grandpa himself…" Hau's words were muffled. "And everybody knows I'm not as good a Trainer as Selene. People have tried to tell me otherwise, but nobody can deny Selene has some insane natural talent I just don't have. I get the feeling my grandpa has even stronger ambitions for me besides being the next kahuna, like maybe beating her and becoming the Champion, but I don't think I could ever do that."

"Do you _want_ to do that?"

"I…I think that…I think that I would be fine just being a kahuna. I don't honestly think I could handle much more than that," Hau admitted. "I want to become an amazing Pokémon Trainer, and I _love_ being one in the first place. But all these things I think my gramps wants me to do, _expects_ me to do, it just gets to be too much, and I wonder why I'm even trying. Sometimes I just want to _stop._ I want to stop everything and lie down and go to sleep and just…"

Gladion squeezed his eyes shut.

"Die?"

Hau breathed in sharply. "I'd never…kill myself. I don't think I could. I'm not brave enough, I guess. But…yes. Every once in a while, when I'm feeling really frail and weak and all that, the stress becomes too much for me, and I _know_ I can never live up to the expectations, and I think that maybe it would be easier to die.

"I lose over and over again to Selene, Gladion. You've seen it firsthand. I lose over and over again to Elio. I lose over and over again to _you._ And once Lillie starts her Trainer career—like, _for real_ —I'll probably lose over and over again to her, too. Nothing I ever do seems like enough. I always end up behind, running to catch up to you guys, and I try _so hard,_ but it's—it's never _enough._ I always need to pretend like I'm okay, though. I always need to smile, because that's what people want. That's what they _expect._ "

Gladion breathed in deeply from his nose. Hau smelled like flowers, refreshing and sweet-scented.

"What is _enough_ for you, Hau? Is _enough_ when you finally meet all those expectations Hala and everyone else has for you, when you finally surpass all of us and make the whole world proud?" Gladion asked. He sounded melancholy, like gray clouds when it's not even raining. "If that's what's _enough_ is for you, Hau, then you need to change that. Because you should be satisfied when you've given it your best shot, and if you've already done that, you shouldn't give a crap about what other people think."

Hau stared up at Gladion like he didn't know him, wide-eyed and beautiful, and Gladion swallowed thickly, unable to move.

"I've never told any of what I said to anybody." Hau breathed out. "Gladion, you…"

Gladion didn't want to talk anymore.

Without thinking, he leaned in and kissed the younger boy, engulfed in a love that made him melt and gave him chills all the same, and he wished Hau wouldn't feel the way he did.

Neither of them wanted to pull back, but they needed to breathe. It was only their second kiss, but it was already more passionate than the first.

Gladion slipped his hand underneath Hau's chin and tilted it up, forcing him to face him. His emerald eyes stared viciously into Hau's darker ones.

"You are enough."


End file.
